Crazy Uncle: How to Get That Turkey on Twitter
Lauren Ashburn and Howard Kurtz had this IM exchange while bracing themselves for Thanksgiving’s biggest headache:
Lauren: There’s one thing that always livens up Thanksgiving; you know who I mean.
Howie: Everyone’s got a crazy uncle. You know, the kind of guy who’d be spewing on Twitter, if he knew what Twitter was.
Lauren: Exactly! Hey, what if we get him do all his ranting there instead of at the dinner table?
Howie: Um. Could Crazy Uncle really take that giant leap?
Lauren: First he’d have to learn how to shrink his diatribes to 140 characters.
Howie: Okay, that’s a challenge. Just tell him it’s the equivalent of talking real fast.
Lauren: The problem is, who would follow him?
Howie: Other crazy uncles?
Lauren: Maybe it wouldn’t matter, because he doesn’t listen to anybody anyway.
Howie: Neither do lots of folks on Twitter.
Lauren: And he’d need a screen name. How about Neanderthal Man?
Howie: I’d follow him! Too many sane people on Twitter.
Lauren: No, he’d have lots of competition. Paging Donald Trump.
Howie: You mean when he said Obama’s reelection was a sham and a travesty. Okay, how about Rupert?
Lauren: Right. His rant about the Jewish-owned press probably got him a few more wild-eyed followers.
Howie: But how would Neanderthal learn about hashtags?
Lauren: Just tell him to end every tweet with #I’mRightAndIKnowIt.
Howie: How ’bout #Don’tBotherMeWithTheFacts.
Lauren: What happens when he starts getting direct messages telling him he’s full of crap?
Howie: He can just call them names.
Lauren: But what if he starts tweeting 50 times a day?
Howie: That’s right, you could create a #TwitterMonster.
Lauren: So what? Think how great it would be not to have to listen to his wacko ideas during the turkey.
Howie: Right, he’ll have his head down and be banging away while everyone else is having a good time.
Lauren: This could be the best Thanksgiving evah.
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