A New Mitt Romney Joke
Salon.com
In a dream last night, Mitt Romney found himself standing outside the bunting-draped gates of election victory (looking suspiciously like the White House). Waiting for him at the entrance, and barring the way past, was the Great Pollster.
“Why am I here?” Mitt asked. “Why on this side of the Gates?”
“Well, Mitt,” said the vaguely feminine, slightly Hispanic, somewhat soldierly, possibly gay, a little bit unfashionable, sorta-blue-collar Receptionist-in-Chief, “you had three chances to come through these Gates, and, Lord knows, we sent you some help each time; don’t you remember?”
“Three chances? What help?” cried Mitt, very inelegantly.
“The first time was in Tampa, at the convention,” said the Pollster.
“Oh, yeah,” said Mitt, “That didn’t go as well as I hoped. But what did you do?”
“We sent you some speechwriters. They had the right words about the war and sacrifice, Mitt. But you sent them away.”
Romney nodded his head as that one sank in. “Okay, fine, maybe that’s true, but then what?”
“There was the attack on the Libyan embassy, Mitt, and that statement of yours.”
“But that couldn’t be helped,” Mitt said. “The news cycle demanded a response. Anyway, what could you have possibly done that would have made a difference?”
“We sent you some time Mitt,” said the Pollster. “Time to let the situation develop, and time to consider your words. Time’s a big gift, Mitt. You just ignored it.”
Romney sighed. “I didn’t realize how tough some decisions are. I suppose I could have used the time more wisely.” The Pollster just stood there.
“So, what was the third thing?” Romney asked. “What could have been so bad as to keep me out of here?”
“It was the Boca Raton fundraiser, Mitt. More than 47 percent of us up here thought it was the show-stopper.”
“Hey,” said Mitt, a bit too indignantly. “That was off-the-record. Everyone knew that!”
“Apparently not everyone, Mitt,” the Pollster shot back. “And anyway, we sent you the greatest gift of all to help you with that one.”
“And what great gift was that?” asked Mitt.
“We sent the pre-release versions of Kate Middleton’s topless pictures, Mitt. To show you there is no such thing as privacy. But, of course, you didn’t look at them.”
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